Timie.18 y.o.Pale-skinned.surviving long distance relationships
Friday, November 30, 2007
Challenging and difficult, though they may not be what we want to hear, are the words that best describe long distance relationships. Keep in mind however, that the words are challenging and difficult, not impossible. Many people choose to give a long distance relationship a try, with the constant curiosity if it was the right decision to make and if it even stands a chance. The truth is, a long distance relationship has just as much a chance of succeeding as any other relationship!
Long Distance Relationships share the same facts as an average relationship. It involves two people who share an interest in each other's lives, care for one another and of course have a love for each other that they hope will only continue to grow. On the other hand, a long distance relationship does have its differences as well. It takes away your ability to see each other on a frequent note, as well as the choice of being intimate whenever you desire, not to mention that there would be major trust required. Being unable to spend time together in a physical presence makes it harder to hang on to, but does not spell out doom for your relationship.
Trust is a major necessity if you wish to have your relationship from a distance. Without trust and honesty, the relationship is in for danger and unsuccessfulness, just as it would be any other relationship. By accepting the challenge of a long distance relationship, you also accepted the fact that you will have to have the trust and faith that your partner will not be seeing anyone else as promised. Being paranoid and accusing will only grow doubts, insecurity and tension between you and none of those three will help the relationship survive successfully.
Keeping each other informed of the friendships you have with other people and the events that take place in your personal life is a great way to keep your relationship alive and healthy; and continues to make your partner a part of your life. It is essential that you receive the same information from your partner as well, so you both feel the same security and satisfaction that you both crave. Be creative with the way you keep in touch, such as calling, e-mailing, faxing and sending cards. Pay attention to how many times a week you are staying in touch as well. If you want your bond to stay strong and loving, you have to hear from one another often, leaving as little room for any of you to start getting paranoid about anything. Although you cannot be romantic towards each other on a physical note, you can still perform romantic acts that will keep the romance department happy. You can do this by sending love letters and poems, having flowers and gifts delivered, or even sending a video of yourself with a loving message. Reminding your partner of how much you think about and love him or her will score high points, making them miss you more with the constant urge to see you.
With the right amount of effort and interest on both parts, a long distance relationship can survive the obstacles it will frequently be challenged with. As long as you both refresh your memories of why you chose to do this in the first place, trust each other, inform one another of your personal lives, keep in touch, and visit, your relationship can turn out to be one of the most successful and happy relationships that ever existed. You both will be secure, happy and satisfied until the day comes when you will re-unite for good and build your wonderful future together.
LOVE and INFATUATION
Monday, November 19, 2007
Some would hold that the difference between love and infatuation is that love lasts but infatuation does not. This is incorrect, I think, for a number of reasons. First, if there were no other difference between love and infatuation, it would make it impossible to tell whether any given relationship was a love relationship or an infatuation relationship until some time in the future when people could look back and say whether the relationship lasted or not. Hence, no one could ever accurately say something like "those newly-weds certainly love each other" no matter how wonderful or fulfilling their relationship at the time; it could only be said on their 25th or 50th anniversary that "well, no one knew at the time, but those two certainly were in love when they married." And if either or both died young, no one could tell whether they were in love or just infatuated or not -- or by unamended definition, since the state did not last, though involuntarily, it was not love. But none of this really is in keeping with common usage. We do make distinctions between love relationships and infatuation relationships that are new or that exist now without feeling the need to wait for the passage of (more) time.
It seems to me that the best way to look at the difference between love and infatuation is that infatuation is simply the attraction aspect of love without significant or much, if any, satisfaction aspect and/or goodness aspect. The attraction is generally romantic attraction, also perhaps sexual, and/or physical, and/or emotional, and/or intellectual. Infatuation is the feeling of love without necessarily (much of) the beneficial value or satisfactions of love. It is the attraction to another person accompanied by too little else. Probably in many cases infatuation does not last simply because the relationship offers little good or satisfaction (and sometimes does offer distinct harm and dissatisfaction) along with the attraction, and so the attraction dies. But there are many cases where attraction or infatuation endures in spite of unreasonable hardships and dissatisfactions in the relationship. This endurance does not make the feelings ones of love, just ones of enduring infatuation.
The word infatuation generally is used to describe relationships that are new, and often it is applied to younger couples rather than older, though if an older man takes a fancy to, or is attracted to, a younger girl, he may be said to be infatuated. But I think the term, or at least my description of it, could be equally well applied to longer term relationships and those between mature, reasonable people. In the movie The Way We Were, the characters portrayed by Streisand and Redford had genuine feelings of attraction for each other throughout the course of their long, tempestuous relationship, which included various separations and reconciliations. The separations were caused because the two simply were neither good enough nor satisfying enough for each other to be able to live, or even be, together for very long at a stretch. Both were good people but they had conflicting political, social, and moral views and conflicting career goals that they were not able to ignore, compromise, or work around sufficiently to be able to keep from hurting each others' feelings.
Yet none of that put an end to the feelings and the attraction they had for each other. Sometimes lack of satisfaction and/or lack of goodness in a relationship will kill the feeling aspect too, but often it does not. Feelings quite often simply are independent of other qualities or aspects in the relationship. The sad part of the movie The Way We Were was, it seems to me, that we often believe that any feelings, such as theirs, that can last so long and be so strong between two good people, should enable them to also be able to live together and to enjoy and satisfy and be good for each other. But this is simply often not so, and the relationship in that movie was just one instance of it. It would not have been nearly so sad or so tragic, I think, if they had simply realized that no amount of romantic (or any sort of) attraction(s) is sufficient by itself for a relationship to be also enjoyable and satisfactory or good. Even with regard to something as strong and as potentially satisfying as sexual attraction (assuming, what is not always true, that a partner you strongly desire sexually will be satisfactory actually to be with sexually), as Zsa Zsa Gabor once remarked on television, there must be something else in the relationship because you cannot be having sex every waking moment you are together.
It is the relying solely on feeling or attraction that causes so much grief so often. Feelings can be an impetus but cannot, without luck, be a guide, and certainly not necessarily a good guide to a good and satisfactory relationship. Youth, or at least the naive, are those who often meet obstacles because they follow feelings alone so often.
"If thou remember'st not the slightest folly
That ever love did make thee run into,
Thou has not loved." -- Shakespeare, As You Like It
I would think "love" in these lines is best understood in the sense of attraction or infatuation. I remember one time one of the boys I used to caddy with was so smitten by a girl we all saw walk by carrying her own golf clubs that he immediately left us to run to her to beg to carry her clubs for her. She said she could manage all right on her own, but he insisted, and took them from her shoulder -- only in his excitement and nervousness (we were all watching this episode, which added to his difficulties) he accidentally turned the bag upside down while looking at her and dumped her clubs out onto the ground. Our taunting laughter was deafening.
Sometimes, of course, as in undesirable pregnancy or undesirable marriage, an error of the heart can be far more serious or devastating than a youthful folly or embarrassment. Plautus' "He who falls in love meets a worse fate than he who leaps from a rock" need not be true, but so often is when passions cloud reason or are considered alone as a proper guide to action in pursuing a relationship.
Had Streisand's and Redford's characters recognized their relationship as one only or basically of infatuation or, if that sounds like too frivolous a description for mature people, enduring strong attraction, they may not have so futilely kept trying to have a fuller relationship that could not be and that made them so disheartened each time they realized they had to part. Had they simply accepted the attraction for what it was, and enjoyed what they rightfully could from it without demanding more -- such as expecting their strong feelings alone to let them be able to live happily (and beneficially) ever after -- it would hardly have seemed or been a tragic situation at all. If they could have recognized what they had and been happy for that instead of being sad for what they did not have, they would have been better off. Of course, mutual infatuation or attraction is not always easy to find, nor is love, so one sometimes unfortunately and unrealistically hopes that any attraction they do find is part of love instead of just infatuation; but neither is so impossible to find that infatuation cannot provide its particular benefit and delight without thereby just being a sad reminder of what is missing from a fuller relationship. Infatuation, being only part of love -- the attraction part, certainly offers less than love, but it provides more than no relationship or feelings at all. It is exciting and it stirs the soul and the blood; it takes one outside of one's self and can make one feel "alive" and invigorated, renewed and young. Infatuation or attraction is quite a nice thing in itself, as long as it is not expected or required to be more and as long as one does not expect it to carry aspects of a relationship that it cannot or should not. Neither love nor infatuation are so difficult to find that the discovery of either at any given time should seem such a miracle that all action is predicated on the belief it will never happen again and so one had better make the most of this singular (or latest) occurrence. The most may be too much.
People who expect feelings alone to solve or prevent all problems are just expecting far too much from feelings. This is not just in regard to relationships but in all kinds of areas, such as spending more money than one earns with the feeling everything will turn out all right anyway, gambling on a "hunch" more money than one can afford to lose, behaving irresponsibly in front of others, etc. Those who think of love as just a feeling or attraction may do so, ignoring my definition, but they should not then expect love as they think of it to be or to cause very good, full relationships. Feelings alone just cannot do that. At least they often do not do it.
In thinking of marriage or living together it is important to consider, not just feelings, but present, and probable future, satisfactions and good things in the relationship, since living together on a day-to-day basis tends to highlight (in ways just dating does not) bad habits, bad manners, bad moods, and boredom. Few, if any, can be exciting, new, and wonderful all the time. More than just strong feelings are usually needed to keep a relationship running smoothly. One of my friends one time said he did not see why people who were in love "just wanted to live together" since it was the living together on a daily basis that was the toughest part of a relationship or marriage. Living apart, even though seeing each other most or much of the time, at least allows for some privacy, along with preparation for, and recuperation from, time together. And that concerns just the social aspect of marriage or living together. There are other aspects as well which I will discuss later.
And there is a tendency not only to put too much emphasis on feelings but also perhaps to believe that only the young legitimately have such feelings or have them often or deeply -- that older people somehow know better (or, depending on your point of view, are not so lucky) unless one is like a "dirty old man" or some fellow in his "second childhood" or off his rocker who becomes "infatuated" with a young girl. In a sense these two beliefs go hand in hand, for people who expect feelings to be the main factor or bond in relationships, if they try to remain monogamous, must suppress or ignore or try not to have strong or loving or romantic feelings for other people. One can get good at that with practice and therefore many older people do not get feelings of attraction they might otherwise. Further, if one has had some relationships that did not work out very satisfactorily, even though there were strong feelings of attraction involved, and if one still thinks attraction should be enough for relationships to work out satisfactorily, then it would be easy to see that, having been burned once or more, one might find it harder to have feelings of attraction for others. But my answer in both cases would be not to give up having feelings of attraction, but to give up expecting so much from them and to give up behaving solely upon one's feelings if and when they do occur. Feelings are, and should be, an important influence to action but not the sole guide. To expand on a comment by Antoine Bret, the first sign of passion need not be the last of wisdom; and the birth of wisdom need not signal the death of passion.
I think it is not that difficult for most of us to become very attracted, romantically or in other ways, to other people; but we need not expect a relationship to ensue or flourish just because of those feelings. One can relish the feelings without telling anyone, even the person who is the focus of the feelings. [Goethe, Wilhelm Meister: "Wenn ich dich lieb habe, was geht's dich an." ("If I love you, what business is it of yours.")] Or one might tell that person they are attracted to them (intellectually, sexually, romantically, however) or smitten by them without thereby seeking or needing to become lovers or have a fuller relationship in case that is not feasible for some reason or other. The other person might be very pleased just to know you care about them -- as long as neither of you behave unreasonably or have unreasonable expectations or demands just because of the attraction. (One or both may be married or there may be aspects of the relationship, other than feelings, that might make it not such a good one.) There is no tragedy in liking someone very much whom you may rarely see or whom you simply worship from afar or to whom you try to be good in whatever small ways you can. In fact that can be a very moving and heartwarming feeling. It is simply nice to have caring feelings about someone else, even if they are not returned or if nothing "further" can be involved in the relationship. The trouble only begins if one suspends one's life or lets it be ruined because one wants to act inappropriately on those feelings and/or have them returned in order to be appreciated.
In the July 1974 Ms. magazine, Barbara Grizzuti Harrison, in her article "Is Romance Dead?" (her answer is it is not, or at least it does not have to be) describes quite poignantly her "emotional backlash" against romance (either sense fits -- exciting or general) after experiencing the crashing, stultifying blows when falling from the heights of romances that did not end well. She and other women like her were the "pallbearers"; romance was dead. Or, echoing Philip James Bailey:
In the July 1974 Ms. magazine, Barbara Grizzuti Harrison, in her article "Is Romance Dead?" (her answer is it is not, or at least it does not have to be) describes quite poignantly her "emotional backlash" against romance (either sense fits -- exciting or general) after experiencing the crashing, stultifying blows when falling from the heights of romances that did not end well. She and other women like her were the "pallbearers"; romance was dead. Or, echoing Philip James Bailey:
"I cannot love as I have loved,
And I know not why.
It is the one great woe of life
To feel all feeling die."
Her article vividly deals with the problem (or evil) of a woman's giving up her own identity because of her romantic feelings for a man through whom she may live vicariously. "I know a woman, an artist who married an artist (and immediately put her paintbrushes away and became her husband's model -- so much for self-fulfillment), who daydreamed, when her marriage went flat, about how wonderful it would be to be married to a photographer- writer she knew; in her fantasy the sum of her joy was always to be at some airport, waiting for him to return from a glamorous, exciting trip; she basked in his reflected glory."
Harrison then goes to point out that romance need not suffer for some women simply because in the past these women have mistakenly let it consume their identities to work ill on both themselves and their relationships. Correct; but this is just one area in which people tend to give their all to the feelings in the belief that the feelings will also give rise to joys and goodness. Feelings just don't always do that. And one need not just look at the Harrison kind of case, that of abandonment of the woman's self-identity and self-fulfillment. One can look at the Streisand-Redford case, where they each did or tried to fulfill their own goals in life, but that course too caused conflict and wreaked havoc in the relationship. And you can look at relationships in which one or both parties are selfish, with perceived different self-interests, and so things cannot work out. And this can be serious even over such mundane problems or disagreements as which television programs to watch or how to spend an evening or a few dollars. Or it can be over one's being an early riser who wants conversational company with the other who is -- a slow, late, or meditating riser, who likes their first words in the morning to be "goodbye, dear, see you later." We do not have to have personally shattering problems, such as loss of identity, in order to get into severe problems in a relationship. That is why having sensitivity and a knowledge of ethics and understanding of fairness, as well as some important shared joys and satisfactions along the way, are so important in working out a full, lasting, and loving relationship. Feelings of attraction or romance alone just won't do the job, at least not also without luck.
Yet, mistakenly letting romance suffer or making yourself unreceptive to romantic feelings as you grow older and more experienced is to throw out the baby with the bathwater. It is not the having of romantic feelings that causes trouble in relationships, but the lack of other necessary ingredients with them -- lack of areas of satisfaction and goodness, and/or lack of ability to resolve conflicts that cause or reflect areas of dissatisfaction or harm. The solution to having romantic feelings that result in bad relationships is not to kill romance but to cultivate goodness and satisfaction in relationships that are romantic, and to recognize, and respond or behave appropriately in those romantic relationships that cannot be good enough or joyful enough to pursue beyond a certain, non-harming involvement.
Romance is not dead. I also think that for people who like people, who are open to them, and who are open to their own feelings, romance or some sorts of attraction are not very difficult to experience. The problems arise when we make moral or behavioral errors about how to act toward others when we have some feelings toward them. And problems arise when we develop irrational and harmful expectations about how others should feel or behave toward us because of our feelings toward them. Just as it would be absurd to hit people just because you might not like them, so it is equally absurd to sleep with someone or to marry someone or to try to seduce someone just on the basis of your having some feeling of attraction toward them, without considering any other (satisfaction or ethical) aspect of the relationship. We should learn to understand our feelings and to put them into perspective or into context in a relationship so that we can make more enlightened decisions about what they and other aspects of the relationship dictate or recommend as proper actions. Even in cases where feelings are necessary requirements for an action (such as attraction or passion might be for good sex), they seldom are sufficient reasons for it.
So I think it is proper, and not altogether far from normal usage, to think of infatuation as a relationship involving feelings of loving attraction without very much satisfaction or goodness existing or likely to continue to exist. Where I depart perhaps from normal usages is in my belief that this can happen at any age and designate a relationship that has endured -- perhaps one that in common usage would be described as strong and lasting bonds of affection rather than as infatuation. Nevertheless, what keeps the relationship from being a full, loving one is that there are important other ingredients (satisfactions and goods) missing.
If one thinks of a relationship's further pursuit and enlargement as being justified not only by the feelings involved but also by the amount of good and joy or satisfaction that it brings to the people involved, then one might call love, not just attraction or infatuation, but "justified attraction" or "justified infatuation". Attraction alone would be just infatuation; to be love, there must be attraction along with goodness and satisfaction for (and from) each other; love is justified infatuation.
taken from www.akat.com
iskool bukol....
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Everyday I go back to school every 6:00p.m to attend my one remaining class, PS 33, and it's about the Philippine Constitution. It is a very interesting subject but what makes it more interesting are my classmates. I am with a bunch of Criminology students and they're all boys.hehe. They argue with our prof and they talk too much na minsan wala na sa topic para lang di makapagquiz after the discussion...haha... Those guys are really gentlemen kahit pasaway. Just last night, yong isa naming classmate pumasok nang nakainom pala.haha. Nagtataka prof namin kasi salita ng salita. haha. Talaga namang di mo maiiwasan sa buhay ng isang estudyante ang maging pasaway, magulo at maingay. Kahit tinatamad ako pumasok, pumapasok pa rin ako kasi inaabangan ko kung ano na namang kalokohan gagaein ng mga classmates ko..hehe
Physicality is not all that makes a lasting relationship ^26^
Friday, November 9, 2007
if long distance means taking the chance of being in this moment again,
*of dancing slow through the music of sweet nothingness
*of embracing this overflowing affection
*of kissing my fears goodbye as I get lost in her touch
*of seeing my whole life through her worry-free sparkling eyes
*of feeling her breath as she whispers forever in my ears,
then I’m a believer.
for those in long distance relationships:
"...contrary to what the cynics say, distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough..." - Oprah magazine
♥Timie♥
sino ka? sino ako? sino tayo?
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Sino ka?
Madalas tinatanong natin ang kung sinuman na di natin kilala kung sino sila. E tayo, natanong na ba natin sa mga sarili natin kung sino ba tayo? Kilala na nga ba natin mga sarili natin? Akala lang natin oo, pero ang totoo, malaking bahagi pa rin natin ang estranghero satin na atin lamang matutuklasan sa pagdaan ng mga araw. Sana nga maging matiyaga tayo sa pagkilala pa sa ating buong pagkatao. Enjoy.
*bow*
gahd! ano'ng nangyari sakin?
ganito ba epekto sakin?hehe
Madalas tinatanong natin ang kung sinuman na di natin kilala kung sino sila. E tayo, natanong na ba natin sa mga sarili natin kung sino ba tayo? Kilala na nga ba natin mga sarili natin? Akala lang natin oo, pero ang totoo, malaking bahagi pa rin natin ang estranghero satin na atin lamang matutuklasan sa pagdaan ng mga araw. Sana nga maging matiyaga tayo sa pagkilala pa sa ating buong pagkatao. Enjoy.
*bow*
gahd! ano'ng nangyari sakin?
ganito ba epekto sakin?hehe
♥Timiemai♥
♥This is LOVE♥
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
I think the word that has been defined the most is the word LOVE. Action speaks louder than words so why define it? haha...There are no written words to describe love. Looking at a sunset together with that special person. That is love. Telling each other how good you feel around them. That is love. If all the stars in the sky look brighter to you when your with your guy or girl. That is love. Going for a walk and not wanting it to end. That is love. Not wanting to get off the phone at 3 in the morning. That is love. Getting a flutter feeling in your stomach when you see that person. That is love. Having more fun with that person than any one else you know. That is love. Holding on to each other as you tumble down a snow covered hill. That is love. Action speak louder than words .
♥TIMIE♥
one good/bad day...
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Ok I admit it, it's my fault. That freakin post I posted in ttalk started it all. Alam ko naman na ayaw niya magonline ako ng late e nagonline ako Pero sumingit lang ako para ipost yon.... haaay.... I spoil her day..Sana pumasok na lang ako :(
sulitin ang nalalabing araw....
Monday, November 5, 2007
Last Friday I went to Davao City and stayed in my cousin's place in Sasa. That would the last blow for my sembreak. When we were on our way to Davao, I talked to Joey Zulueta, a finalist of Star Dance (a show in ABS-CBN 2 years ago, I betcha forget it already) and I was kinda amazed by his hair. I went to Gaisano Mall with my niece the afternoon after I arrived there. And like what I usually do, I ate for N times...lol... I was whining 'bout my weight but I can't help it, I really love cakes so I ordered myself a black forest cake and a sanzrival partnered with a mocha frappe then I ordered mango float for my niece.haha. And yesterday, my last day there, I went to SM and again I ate, not once, not twice but THRICE! That's all I did during the two remaining days of my vacation I don't wanna go back to school yet.
and oh, btw, below is my pic fitting a dress in Kamiseta and me wearing my contacts... I'm lurving it... :)
i'm wearing my newly bought contacts :)
and i'm camwhoring at Kamiseta's fitting room...me a biatch...lol
Trick or Treat?
Friday, November 2, 2007
I'll be out of our pc for a week so I'm making the most out of it today...at the same time, I'm waiting for her to text me...She's still having her classes... minutes to go....I already miss her...Ganito na talaga ako kaloka..hehe...
I don't know what's on my mom's head when she told us when we wake up that she's gonna give us a surprise...Sobrang minsan lang kung maisipan nya yang salitang "surprise" na yan eh.... at talaga naman nasurprise kami nang paglabas namin ng kwarto e sinalubong kami ng mga nakamaskarang pinsan ko...a vampire...yay...sa laking gulat ko napukpok ko tuloy...waaaahh...sorry cuz....
nasa mood mangtrip mama ko ngayon kaya nilulubos-lubos na namin...
magpapadeliver kami ng pagkain for our lunch...Greenwich...yey!!!
I don't know what's on my mom's head when she told us when we wake up that she's gonna give us a surprise...Sobrang minsan lang kung maisipan nya yang salitang "surprise" na yan eh.... at talaga naman nasurprise kami nang paglabas namin ng kwarto e sinalubong kami ng mga nakamaskarang pinsan ko...a vampire...yay...sa laking gulat ko napukpok ko tuloy...waaaahh...sorry cuz....
nasa mood mangtrip mama ko ngayon kaya nilulubos-lubos na namin...
magpapadeliver kami ng pagkain for our lunch...Greenwich...yey!!!
i'm back....
I'd been in and out of blogspot for too long till i decided to stop blogging. I have just decided to blog again since I already have my internet connection here in our house and Cookie (Ean) is back to blogging, I'm a follower of her blog...haha... It's already late...yeah, it's already morning and I haven't yet found a nice skin for this blog. I'll be out for a week but I promise to be a regular blogger again as soon as I get back. =)
♥Tim♥
2:32 AM